Wednesday, December 3, 2008

When I look into the mirror...

I see a boy not a man.

I see a broken wreck with close to nothing left.

I see someone dying to let go of his insecurites.

I see an obsessive.

I see someone so jealous he spites anything making people happy.

I see someone so consumed with self pity that he finds it impossible to just be happy for someone.

I see a boy in love. Hopelessly.

Today has been the worst ive been in a while. I never want anyone to make me this angry again. I walked home in the rain just there. It was freezing. I stayed out way longer than I should have. The person im mad at doesnt even warrant this. Its not fair. On either of them.

I cant change someones feelings no matter how hard I try or wish I could. I look at all of them though, and wonder why are they so much better than me. Im not exactly a self praising guy as it is, but this is just a kick in the stomach.

I don't have one single picture of us,
What kind of "brother" am I?
Left wondering where my next drink will come from,
I am my fathers son.
Shaking in a room I never wanted,
Between walls filled with people who never cared,
And thoughts of people who never will.
Memories are all that I can rely on
I never wanted this.
For all the nights you listened to Tell All Your Friends
And thought of ways to let me down
I will drop to my knees and scream
About every night I spent alone.
I never wanted this
A broken fist and emptiness
And all I can tell myself is that I
Never fucking wanted this.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

good poems you aint alone man