Bright Lights Keep Shining

2010-04-03T14:46:00.001-07:00

Ive never felt more alone in my whole life.

Nobody will come.

2009.

2010-01-08T12:53:00.000-08:00

Was the best year of my life.

Despite everything shit that happened the first few months, things wouldnt be the same without those months. Im not going to do a review of the year, just point out a few things that meant alot to me.

I finished my first college course. I made loads of mates in it, and I still talk to alot of them, which is cool.

I started running shows, which went real well too. I wish I was still doing it.

I saw Brand New in Glasgow, with some of the best lad. It was class as fuck. Aha. Moneen and Kevin Devine supported. Moneen were unbelievable. Graham and Mark are class.

I set up a small independant record label with my friend Alex and Graham. We released our first CD, which was the RAN mini album. The launch night was really class.

I ended up kissing, and subsequently asking out, the girl that this blog is definitely not about. Shes the best thing in my life. She's really gotten me through the last few months. I get to spend alot of time with her too, which I didnt think I would. Being at college in Dundalk is a hindrence, but we make it work. Both of us are going to Boston for the summer. It should be great. Im excited to spend it with her.

I became friend with lots of class people, drifted away from others, and became closer to others. I wouldnt change it, at all.

I started playing football and tennis again. I wish I could still play hurling.

I rang in the New Year with people ive met this year, which ruled. We had a snowball fight. I hope we can have more.

Life is pretty class.

December.

2010-01-03T06:37:00.000-08:00

Im not at home anymore
Im not even sure if I have one
My father is a crippled old man
Writhing in the body that will someday be mine.
I cant sleep, and its a fight to exist
So I sit up reading Bukowski in vans
On hills shadowed with a time when we cared.

August 3rd 2009

2009-09-02T07:11:00.001-07:00

Was just a little short of a month ago. Its now September and im starting college next Wednesday. Ill be studying Cultural and Film Studies. Im looking forward to it I guess. Im scared and all that jazz but fuck it. Its time to do something productive with my life.

Speaking of which, between my last post and this, Gajjy, Alex and I released RAN's mini album and its class. Buy it off the band so they can record more deadly stuff. The night was really good too, thanks to anyone who made it out, despite the fact it was midweek and all. It was pretty packed.

On August 3rd, my favourite person and me sorted something we should have a long time ago. Ive never been more happy in my life, but the city has never seemed further away. Im going to miss her alot. So much. I wish I wasnt shit at life and was going to college in Dublin with her. Shes living with my mate though, so ill be able to stay loads hopefully. We were in town yesterday and we had an argument. The whold way through she stood with her arms on my collarbone and looked at me. Ive never had an argument where I felt completely at ease with the other person. I know she thinks ill lose interest because shes away, but its completely the opposite. I know how lucky I am to have someone in my life that I care that much about. Its class.

Brand New's new album is the best shit ever. Represent.

So lately...

2009-07-17T16:25:00.001-07:00

Things have been amazing. The last 9 days have changed so much about... everything. I went to Have Heart last Wednesday and it was an amazing day. They are the absolute best band and I owe alot of me changing to them, and I guess, hardcore in general. They are also a band that the girl 90% of this blog is about, and I, bonded over I suppose. We both love them. We hung out all day before it, just being messers in Stephens Green and stuff. We met up with Noonan later and headed to the show for the buzz. I moshed hard for Forced Out and Famine. Easily two of my favourite bands. Famine are the best band in Ireland. During Rise and Fall I just chilled at the back with Shauna. Shipwreck were too delicious. Have Heart were next and it was a pretty amazing experience. They played everything I would have wanted to here, even No Roses, No Skies. Afterwards Shauna, Noonan and I headed for our lifts/bus. In the shop grabbing some tins of coke, Shauna kissed me. To be honest, it was class aha. We walked on for a bit and she kissed me again. It was kinda surreal in my mind.

The 8 days that followed were some of the best of my life. Hanging out, being saps, just enjoying each others company. Two years of prologue. Stupid decisions on my part. Eventually we got it right. Shes gone away for two weeks now and I miss her alot already. When she gets back and goes to college I hope we can do this properly. I havent stopped smiling since that night, and I dont intend on doing so anytime soon.

Ive never wanted anything so bad.
Nothing will ever be the same again.

Im doing a 35 mile cycle for charity tomorrow. Wish me luck. Im probably going to pass out but fuck it. Its for a good cause. Tomorrow night is a really good friend of mines 21st. Im really looking forward to it. Im gonna try fill the next two weeks with as much as I can to make it go quick. I know people will probably think im a sap for writing this but I couldnt care less. Im seriously so genuinely happy for the first time in so long. I hope it stays like this for a long time.

The Wonder Years are playing next Thursday and Friday. Stall it.

Carptastrophe

I need you more than I ever thought...

2009-06-12T08:10:00.000-07:00

That I could need someone else.

No matter how hard I try to claim that im not, I really am my Fathers son. The last couple days have fucking torn me up inside, and brought me from highest to lowest ebb. I cant take this shit anymore. I cant even ask for answers anymore, because I know what they'll all be. I cant stand the thoughts that are going through my mind right now. Every single fucking outcome possible, and all of them end up the same.

These white walls arent canvas anymore
But a bleak reminder of how its all ill ever be
Empty like the cavernous home that surrounds me.
I cant help but think of every single possible outcome
From this series of my worst mistakes
A family portrait with a different face.
For once I thought id got it right
The nights I screamed that I wanted someone to remember
Were now nights I screamed for someone I cant forget.
And all im left with is my stereo telling me
That Life is Hard Enough as it is
Without walking away from what you love
But knowing you could be forever
And not being able to achieve it
Despite all the promises we made
And everything ive done
drives me to be my Fathers Son.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

So...

2009-06-11T10:46:00.001-07:00

Last night was the best ive felt in probably years. Perfect.

It only took me a matter of hours to shatter that. I had to say everything I did though. I dont like having things unsaid. It would have been easy for me to carry on like everything was so perfect. I would have been relatively happy. I dont like to settle for something though. I know youll read this. Dont settle for a safe bet. Long shots are generally more fun. Place a little money, or faith on a long shot, and you could become very rich. Hedge your bets on a safe one, and continue in mediocrity. I know what id choose. So do you, I think. But youre scared. And I dont blame you. Just, last night surely proved to you what ive been saying for so long.

54 Days

2009-06-02T16:02:00.000-07:00

fifty four fucking days.

Im in no fit state....

2009-04-21T14:05:00.000-07:00

To carry dead weight.

http://myspace.com/forcedouthc

I watched my grandfather die right before my eyes.
Im watching my grandmother wither into something I never want her to be.
My father is drinking himself to an early grave.
Friendships flicker and die.
I have few constants, and the ones I do seem distant.

Im pretty much running on auto pilot. Sleep, college, work, sleep. Rinse, repeat. This summer will make or break me I reckon. I miss the days of a few years ago, yet I wonder if anything we promised each other was ever real.

He said Son...

2009-03-14T06:18:00.001-07:00

Where did this all go wrong?

Young Wolves are going to be my favourite band.

About three weeks ago I got a phonecall off my Dad while I was out telling me that him and my mother had broken up. Im not saying I didnt see it coming but I was in shock a bit. I didnt go home for a few days, I stayed in my sisters and my mates houses, its nice that I could do that, im grateful for it. When I went home, I didnt really speak to either of them, I kept to my room and got a surprising amount of college work done. Mum and Dad are still living here, but theyre living seperate lives under one roof. I dont really know what to do. The few places I feel at home I cant go because im broke alot of the time. Its out of choice though, my parents would give me money if I asked, but im too stubborn or proud to ask. I dont really know what I want to do anymore, only that I need to get out of here, whether thats moving county or moving country, I dont know.

I just realised the last time I blogged was in 2008. It ended pretty awfully, the same way it began, and im not upset to see the back of it. 2009 was looking up until this, and im not going to let it spoil my year. I made so many good friends in '08, people id like to think I will be able to call friends for life, but people move on and change, as was proven to me at the beginning of this year. Someone I thought id call a friend for life decided to tell me she'd been deceiving me all along. I was pretty heartbroken to be honest. I trusted her with alot, and having her lie to me was like a kick in the head. I never usually let people in, which is half the reason I have this blog. It feels alot easier to write it to some unknown third party than telling someone to their face.

I stopped drinking this year too, im not claiming edge or anything, I just dont feel that its something I need in my life right now, it can only do bad to my frame of mind. I tend to find myself not making as many stupid mistakes as I used to. I have a clearer head most of the time. I tend to spend as much time as I can these days not in Ardee, this town gets me down so much.

This year will hopefully play out well. April will be a class month for shows, then the Famine launch in May, and im putting them on in the Town Hall on the 9th of May. Im going to try my best to get to two of Brand New's dates in England too, and theres talk of me heading to see NFG a few times with the Gajit. The Wonder Years are coming in July and hopefully Have Heart/Shipwreck and Rise and Fall at some stage too.

Hopefully ill get to see FAW and The Prestige on Sunday, im interested to hear how they sound. Its been too long since I was at a show.

Carpo, attempting to stay posi.

Laterz.

Comatose but audible.

2008-12-28T16:32:00.000-08:00

Everyone seems to be writing blogs about 2008. I intended on doing so but it will wait.

This has been my worst christmas period ever. Easily. Theres so many people I wish I could say this in person to, but I cant bring myself to do it. I spent my christmas day alone, which in itself wasnt great. My mother was in work, my father and granny at an aunts, and my sisters with their husbands. I stayed at home playing poker and drinking tea. St Stephens day I was in work and it was mad. I went out with the lads to Carrick after. Frankie, Keith and Doodles were there. These three guys are such good lads. Theyve always had my back through everything. I never get to spend enough time with them as Doodles is in the army, and Keith and Frankie are away at college. We had fun, my mate Simon was there too. He hasnt had the best christmas. Hes been extremely depressed since he left college and it scares me. We went the whole way through school together. If he doesnt succeed in life, theres no chance for anyone ha.

Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. A couple who read this blog know, but most dont. I find it hard to talk about this subject, and anytime its brought up I try avoid it. For the past 20 or so years my father has been in and out of alcoholism. It never really registered as strange for me until I was 13 or 14. I presumed I guess that it was normal for Dads to go out to the pub every night. I remember other people used to say things like, "Ah wheres Paddy? Down in the pub?" and the answer would always be yes. I realize now that it was some sort of dig. I always looked up to my Dad, as I suppose most kids did. I wanted to be like him when I was older. He always worked/works hard and gave us a pretty well off life. We never wanted for anything. His only vice was alcohol. Up until this April he had been off it a while, but then my Granda, his father, died. He had been living with us for two years, with myself and my mother taking care of him and Granny. Him dying hit Dad pretty hard and he started drinking again.

Yesterday I was in Dundalk and I got a phonecall off Dad. He was mumbling and I knew he was drunk but something about his tone worried me. He sounded scared or something. He kept mumbling about those little bastards in the house. I got home as soon as I could anyway, and when I got inside he was sitting at the top of the stairs sobbing and shaking. When I asked him what was wrong he just brought me into the bedroom and pointed at the wall saying can you not see them? I was so scared at this point but I had to tell him I didnt. He just broke down on the floor and started crying. He kept asking me to tell him it was all in his head. I didnt really know what to do. I sat him on the bed and he sat there shaking for almost two hours, sobbing. Once he calmed down he said he thought they had gone. He asked me not to tell Mam, that shed put him into a mental home. He fell asleep, still mumbling.

I had to tell my mother, so I did. Im not sure whats going to happen now. My Dad was hallucinating about snakes, maggots on his skin. I dont know if it was years of alcohol abuse or a mental breakdown.

Ive never really been as scared in my whole life.

Id rather die on my feet...

2008-12-23T14:18:00.000-08:00

Have Heart was last night. It was the best night of my young life so far. Theres been a lot of posts about "the scene" lately, and I didnt really want to do one but im just gonna throw my two cents in. Its easy to see how much whats going on lately means to some people. Dublin Hardcore is huge right now. When I started coming to shows, only a couple touring bands had been over. Since then, and since I turned 18, Blacklisted, Have Heart, Ceremony, Dirty Money, Comeback Kid and countless others have been over.

Im not claiming to be a part of whats going on. I go to shows, and I do my bit. We all know what was said over the last week or so. For someone to turn around and say that is such bullshit. Ive never felt more at home or welcomed than at a show. Nobody has any obligation to be nice to anyone else because they watch a band or hang around the scene, more than likely if someone actually bothers to be sound, they mean it. I know ive written about this before and I probably sound like a broken record, but before I found all of this, Hardcore, Dublin Hardcore, I had no sense of direction, no real drive or motivation. I feel these days like im living for something. Ive touched on the fact that I was an odd kid. I was depressed around the age of 16 for whatever reason. I couldnt explain it myself really. I had friends and I was good at school but nothing was my own. I grew up with two older sisters, and pretty much never had the company of other children growing up, I always thought that contributed to it.

The show last night was amazing. All the local bands killed it. Im sad to see RT! go for a while. They were always one of my favourite local bands, loved singing along. FAW were class. Six West is their best song by a mile. Forging Friendships are one of my favourite bands, not just in Ireland. The last song they played last night was fucking epic. That outro is so good. Everyone set it off loads and it was class to see. Have Heart's set was clehzzzzzzzz. Perfect mix of songs off the 3 releases. It was paced well and not rushed. I really liked Paddy's bits between songs. All of what he said really set the night off to a tee. If they dont come back this summer ill be travelling abroad to see them. On the Bird In The Cage was sickeningly good, as was No Roses No Skies. Fucking yeah.

This last year has been the best Ive ever had.
Ive made so many great friends. In Dublin and at home.
Ive fallen out with people I said I never would.
Ive seen my favourite bands play great shows and shit shows.
Ive screamed a thousand words back at faces wholl never remember me, and ones ill never forget.
Ive loved and not been loved.
Me and my parents have gotten on better than usual which is sweet.
I graduated from school, and did my Leaving Cert.
I started college.
My band broke up and I started writing again.
I started to run shows.
I finally told someone I should told a long time ago to fuck off.
I went to Birmingham to see three of my favourite bands with 3 proper dudes and a sound girl.
I blogged about going to the shop and getting some Tayto.
I didn't grow a moustache.
I grew up a hell of a lot.

Hopefully 2009 will rule harder.

Well done Forging Friendships on getting your deal. Release your fucking 7" FAW.

Latahz.

Fuccccck.

2008-12-11T10:44:00.000-08:00

Verse was this week.

It was amazing, thanks so much to Alex for letting me stay in his. Sweet couch, on the real. Forging Friendships fucking killed it. The last song they played was amazing.

I gave a friend a hard time lately over getting with a guy, and I was a complete asshole over it. Sorry. Last thing you need is your mate getting on your case over it. I was extremely selfish and im sorry. Its my jealous being taking over. It does hurt hearing you talk about other guys at times, but really, if it makes you happy, and I was a good friend, id be happy.

Thank you, for saying those things, D. Made me feel like I do all the stupid stuff I do for a reason.

This will be fucking amazing. December 22nd. Im living for it.

My girl, my girl, tell me why you look so sad...
Has the sun finally set on us?
Have you come to long for another's hand?
There's a feeling inside me that somethings leaving.
Like someone stealing salt from sea.
Left me sinking and left me thinking
how to keep you caged with me

Because I need you like air to breathe
Just to hold you.
o' I hold you.
o' how I hold you.
I hold you down.

Down with my insecurities
down with my hypocrisy
down with my pathetic pleas
down instead of setting you free
to find your happiness with or without me.

So untie your feat, reattach your wings
so you don't have to open your throat to sing.

Because if it's you I love, then from you...

I'd walk away.

And your face:
on every leaf
of every branch
of every tree.

When I look into the mirror...

2008-12-03T13:59:00.000-08:00

I see a boy not a man.

I see a broken wreck with close to nothing left.

I see someone dying to let go of his insecurites.

I see an obsessive.

I see someone so jealous he spites anything making people happy.

I see someone so consumed with self pity that he finds it impossible to just be happy for someone.

I see a boy in love. Hopelessly.

Today has been the worst ive been in a while. I never want anyone to make me this angry again. I walked home in the rain just there. It was freezing. I stayed out way longer than I should have. The person im mad at doesnt even warrant this. Its not fair. On either of them.

I cant change someones feelings no matter how hard I try or wish I could. I look at all of them though, and wonder why are they so much better than me. Im not exactly a self praising guy as it is, but this is just a kick in the stomach.

I don't have one single picture of us,
What kind of "brother" am I?
Left wondering where my next drink will come from,
I am my fathers son.
Shaking in a room I never wanted,
Between walls filled with people who never cared,
And thoughts of people who never will.
Memories are all that I can rely on
I never wanted this.
For all the nights you listened to Tell All Your Friends
And thought of ways to let me down
I will drop to my knees and scream
About every night I spent alone.
I never wanted this
A broken fist and emptiness
And all I can tell myself is that I
Never fucking wanted this.

Posi.

2008-12-02T06:19:00.000-08:00

The other night while on the bus home from the Ceremony show I got off my bus about 2 miles from home and walked. Everything was frosted over, there wasnt a car on the road and nobody was around. It was really nice. I was listening to Explosions In The Sky and I was really happy. Lately ive been so good. Apart from not sleeping, everything has been great. Im so happy with what I have, so sorry to anyone ive been a dick to lately.

I went to Birmingham two weekends ago to the Easycore Tour. It was class and I had loads of fun. FYS and SYG killed it. Them and NFG are 3 of my favourite bands, so it was class to see them all in one night. Oscar is my boyyy.

Ceremony was Sunday. Im not into them really but headed up anyway. Ended and RT! were class. NH were good too,and I had to leave before Ceremony. I had sweet chats with Alex, Gajjy, Liamy and Tracy. All extremely good people.

Im extremely excited for Verse. Ill be seeing them twice, and then have WickedOwl's partaaaaay. I cant wait, for realsies. I cant wait to see FF. Im more excited for them than Verse. After Verse, we have our show up in Dundalk, which im stoked as fuck for, but its well eclipsed by my favourite band coming over two days later. Have Heart will be amazing. The lineup is incredible and the atmosphere will be class id say.

Im still single and its all gravy. I told someone how I felt about them the other night and didnt get much back. I was gutted to say the least. Maybe shes not who I thought.

Steal My Sunshine is my jam right now.

Kid Without A Clue

2008-11-19T13:22:00.000-08:00

Ive been listening to so much Punchline after Inflatable Gods covered them.

So Horse The Band was last night in Dorans. I was really really happy that a good crowd turned up. I think theyre muck in fairness, but the locals were really good. I just cant get into Arcada, they have one really good song. Jack said last night that its like theyre trying to outsmart everyone in the crowd. I just cant find a good reason for them to be around. The bassist looks like Edge from WWE. Cover his theme tune lads.

It usually takes a hell of a lot to impress me from a band. Im pretty strange with my listening tastes. RAN are the best band I have seen in so long. They sound like a cross between Title Fight and Explosions In The Sky, or Explosions In The Sky if they had balls. The vocals are so good. Theyre so tight and just.. everything about them is great. During the end of the second last song I swear I couldnt stop smiling.

Real Talk! were so fucking good as well. I love singing along to them, such good lyrics and such good lads.

I legged it for my bus before HTB but it was a good night, had the sweet chats with Graham and Mark, Alex and Jack, Nelly and WickedOwl. Im taller than Emmie, best news.

I might finally have a band going. Detes whenever.

Latahz.

Horse The Band.

2008-11-18T03:45:00.000-08:00

Fucking go or im not talking to you anymore.

Happy Birthday Iano!!

Im in a really good mood today and im so fucking stoked for the weekend. Class.

Hit that shit.

HBM!

2008-11-16T12:13:00.000-08:00

Stands for Happy Birthday Moshspace! Haha. Sweet buzz.

This show was on Friday. I was meant to go into town early so I could hang with cool dudes but I missed my bus in. Got there just after 7, and went to hang with Nelly for a little bit. It was my first time meeting him in real life and hes just as good a dude as I expected him to be. We had the chats for a bit and I grabbed a drink and shit. Gajjy, Tracy, Ciaran, Mark and a girl whos name I dont know (sorry!) came then. I havent seen Graham and Ciaran in ages and they are seriously two of my favourite people ever. Ciaran is never drinking again apparently, haha. What a lad. Mark is a class dude aswell, had a chat with him about Lionheart and shit. Veteran are down to come and play a show which is sweet.

Graham is class. I seriously need to spend more time with the guy. Birmingham is going to fucking rule.

It was my first time meeting Tracy too, and shes class. We only talked for a bit but shes a savage girl altogether.

The gig anyway. Inflatable Gods came on first and they were so good. The Punchline cover was good. No A Wave Came though. I was gutted. They were probably my favourite band of the night, they have gotten so good. I meant to have the chats with Foxy but didnt get to cos I had to get my bus. Bad times.

Cornered were on next and they were fucking heavy. Johnathon is a class vocalist. The last song they played was the best thing ive ever heard. They should play every show.

Find A Way were next, and theyre my favourite local band. I sang along and danced and held up people who dived. MOSH TO DIVE. The intro to Community that they played was insane. The end of Community itself was class.

Ciaran Parnell was the last act I saw. He was his usual class self. Ceding Fiction is my favourite song and he played it. He played 5.2 Megapixels aswell, which is a song about lurking hard. Thats the realest shit.

I was so upset that I missed FF, but it couldnt be avoided. Theyre one of my favourite bands full stop, nevermind local. Everyone needs to listen to them, seriously. The album is going to be amazing.

The rest of the weekend was alright I suppose. Birmingham next weekend will be really good. Im missing Sas' party though. Kinda gutted, but im sure she understands.

Fucking hell, I really never have anything to say in blog's, I might just stop.

Latahz.

Carpo

Negi.

2008-11-08T14:16:00.000-08:00

Fuck this shit.

After everything weve been through that youd turn around and do the exact opposite of what youd said.

I knew exactly what was going on as soon as I stopped getting dirty looks.

I shouldnt depend on a crutch. But I do.

Jaws Theme Swimming.

2008-11-04T11:49:00.000-08:00

Take the picture from the wall when you think that nothing matters
Take the picture from the frame and it's a long ways to the floor
Cut your finger on the edge 'cause it's sharper than they told you
Take a leap from out the window cause it's way too far to go through the door

Im still really smitten with this girl.
I never see her.
We arent interested in the same things.
Her friends arent my friends, mine arent hers.
I highly doubt she would ever like me back.

Yet she makes me smile with the smallest of things.
Shes a ridiculously caring person.
She actually puts up with my bullshit.
She makes me feel good about myself.

I dont care if I never see her. Its well worth it if I get that tingling feeling just one more time.

Friends and shit.

2008-11-03T14:57:00.000-08:00

I have one single picture of me and you. Its sitting directly opposite me now. for 5 years you were my best friend. For 3 you were my only friend. How quickly things change given a change of scenery. That said, I saw it coming last year, yes, but I didnt expect this. Youre cutting me out of your life and im being replaced with people more suited to your parents or society. Your parents never liked me. Your other friends pretended to, but clearly they didnt. Fuck losing friends. I have no picture of us on my wall anymore.

I didnt get to sleep last night till around 5, and I was up for college at 8. I went in and was told that we had the whole day off. Fucking great. It wasnt bad actually. Pete, Taaffe, AnnMarie, Levins, Quigley and I all headed into Dundalk for a while. We sat in the marshes for a couple hours just talking. It was really good fun. A couple of those people are slowly becoming really good friends of mine.

At the minute, Brand New and Have Heart are in my CD player alot. I definitely prefer Things We Carry now. Last month I preferred Songs To Scream At The Sun. It depends on my mood I suppose. I need to make a b9 order soon. Anyone else want in?

Halloween was last week. I dressed up as Tom from Father Ted. I had a bunny impaled on a sword and all. I went up to Keiths house for a little while which was really fun. We watched fucked up videos and played Guitar Hero. I drank whiskey. It was good. I headed out to meet Laura in Luna afterwards. She was shitfaced as per usual. For the third week in a row she was in tears within ten minutes of me talking to her. I do feel for her boyfriend sometimes. Hes a really nice guy, and shes a great girl but theyre completely different. He has no idea how to deal with her when she gets like that. Hes really innocent and just...so... not Laura. I do hope they work out though, she deserves a nice guy.

I cant wait for the Moshspace Anniversary show. Its gonna be the tits. Class lineup, and a couple people from college are coming up. I cant wait to see Fishtank Parnell and Inflatable Gods espescially, but everyone on the lineup is deadly.

I got asked to maybe start a new band the other day. Its with nice lads and id love to work something out. Ive gotten a few offers lately but nothing id be interested in really.

Im going to a Debs in August with Sas, I cant fucking wait. I hope its good, she deserves it.

LATA PLAYAZ.

Summers Gone

2008-10-20T14:28:00.000-07:00

YO. Its been ages since I last blogged, im gonna try and do 3 or 4 a week from now on. Ive been mad stoked on reading blogs lately. Iano, Zach, Mackell and Joe all have class ones. I like WickedOwls too, but I dont really know her, sweet blog though.

I started college since I last blogged, doing Creative Media in Fundalk. I love it really. Everyone is really nice except one dude. Hes an over aggressive cunt. Ive made some deadly friends through it, and have started hanging out with older mates too. College rules.

Since then also brought the demise of my band. RIP Familiar Things. Les Croissant. Various other names. 2004 - 2008. Buzz was had majorly in the band, I was in it with my best mates. Shit began to get strained by the end though, so we called it a day. I miss it loads already, I want to be in another band as soon as I can be. Id love to be in a pop punk band, nobody around here would be down though.

Ive been listening to lots of new music lately. Tigers Jaw are still the business. Been listening to a ridiculous amount of Yellowcard too, theyre so fucking good. Band of the minute are Have Heart though. Id always been into them but lately ive just gotten into them so much more, I think it was the Dublin gig that spurred me on to listen. About Face and Armed With A mind are amazing off Things We Carry, No Roses, No Skies and Brotherly Love off Songs To Scream At The Sun are my favourite. December 22nd, Ruaille Buaille. Stall it.

Stuff coming out of Dublin at the minute is still amazing. Cant wait for the FAW 7". Hopefully some new Real Talk! at some stage too, thatd be class. The Shower Scene are doing well too, and I still think theyre a fucking class band. Im really excited for two bands, Young Wolves and Dead Wrong who will be playing around Dublin soon hopefully. My two favourite vocalists are fronting the bands, Iano and Nelly respectively. Young Wolves are Pop Punk and the samples sound class. Dead Wrong are hardcore and I cant wait to hear it. Yo, Andrew, where the fuck are Chillin Spree at?

I was at the SEBP Album Launch a couple weeks ago with family and my mate Colm. It was sweet. Buzz was had and the place was jammers. I got talking to Vinny from the Vinny Club too, hes a class dude, and their set was cuhlazz. The remix album is deadly,apart from a couple too many remixes of a certain track, but nonetheless, sweet.

Im going to Birmingham in a month to see Four Year Strong, Set Your Goals, Crime In Stereo and New Found Glory. I cant fucking wait. I know Gajjy and Alex are going, dunno who else ill know there but I dont care. I love all 4 bands so fucking much. Thinking about getting an SYG tattoo but ill see how shit goes.

Its Karl/Wayne/Katch/Taaffes Birthdays this weekend. Fuck haha. No way am I gonna have time for all that. Karl and Katch are out saturday night methinks, Taaffee friday so it SHOULD be grand. I cant wait. Everyone will be around for the first weekend in so long. Everyones either off at college or just acting the dick and ignoring me lately. Tis shit.

I started talking to Saoirse again recently, which is mad. Both of us were going through the same shit and never knew it. It had only been 3 weeks but thats loads,shes my best mate in fairness. I dont say that to her enough, and I really should.

Im procrastinating big time here, college assignments to be done.

Listen to Forging Friendships.

Latahz.

Sowing Season.

2008-09-11T12:48:00.000-07:00

"Lie to me, like you used to"

Tigers Jaw are my band of the moment.

http://myspace.com/tigersjaw

Ive been smiling for about 4 weeks straight, just like to say thanks for that. I know youll probably never read this, I knew very few do but thanks. Whether you know it or not youre one of the best things to happen me in ages. Youre one of the most kindhearted people ive ever met, and I love that. Youre one of those people who when you say you dont wanna ruin a friendship, you mean it, youre not using it as some cop out. Might suck for me and all but it just adds to your appeal. Every little thing about you makes me smile, its class. Dont go away.

Carpo is Planning an Escape...

2008-08-27T13:52:00.000-07:00

Currently listening to : Messiah J and the Expert, New Forging Friendships, Adebisi Shank.
Currently eating : Burritos. Cheers Zach/Epicurean food court.

So its been ages since I updated this, and the last one was angry as fuck. Last few weeks have been full of the buzz,hangouts and shows and whatnot. Debs was in there somewhere, seems like ages ago. Dawned on me how much ill miss some people at it, fuck like. Ive an interview for college on Friday, which is two days away. I hope I get it, id rather do it than sit on my arse for a year, I already did that last year. Alkaline Trio was last night. They fucking played Bleeder. It was the best shit ever. We also got Old School Reasons in the encore. The Nine IX Lives lads/lady were class too. The new tunes are amazing, espescially the second one they played. Record that shit. I thought Gajjib was gonna storm the stage for Radio. Before I die, I will see him mosh hard.

My bud Karl got his place in Pulse recording today. Im chuffed, hell be so good there. Traditional learning shit never suited him, but hes a genius. Have I actually updated this since I got my LC results? I got like, 300 points, and failed two. I reckon ill come up a grade or two in rechecks, so im guessing ill be hitting around 350 - 360. Sweet. Gareth got Maynooth, and although im chuffed for him, ill miss the fucker so much. For all our fights and stuff, I love the guy. Im just so shit that id never tell him that, so I guess I can only blame myself for the stress our friendship has been under sometimes.

This weekend will be the bizzzz and a half. Friday I gotta view my exams, and have my interview, then its a mates going away party, hes hitting Australia, well, forever. Fair balls but still. Heading out to see an ACDC tribute band that night then, which on the real, should be class.
Saturday I think im working, but if im not, im gonna stall it into Dublin for a bit. After that im going to see the Futile Junkies in the Castle, then heading to Paddys 21st, where ill see everyone, YERRRRRR. Even the Burkes, including Niamh, who needs a shower, seriously, (HAI NIAMH) and Tasha and Sinead. Wahey. Should be an epic night. I hafta get up at silly o clock the next morning to go to Knock though. Fook like. But still, a whole day with Danny and Navan. Good times.

This year, if all goes ahead, will be soooo fucking good. Ive loadsa plans, which include loads of my new friends, including Colm, who I can safely say is the nicest dude ive met in a long time.
Ill be all over the country hopefully, because all my friends are at college away from home, so I have dibs on all of their couches haha. Im 18 in 2 weeks or so. Fuck like, ive waited so long for it. I can finally go to shows and whatnot. Buy a pint legally, that really is going to be class. Hopefully 18 will bring someone who actually finds me desirable too haha. Im gonna grow a beard, fuck that shit.

Easy Core tour in November with "the lads" will be the tits, as will Karls Bday weekend. On another note, Karls new girlfriend is mad sound, which is class, cos he said the other day that he knows I hated all his ex girlfriends, which is really true. He attracts dopes and psychos, but Niamh is grand haha.

Seriously hate to be back at school, alot of the lads and lassies are. By 2010, our once beloved ACS will be a Nazi regime. RIP.

Now listening to : All or Nothing.

Later dooooooodz.

Shut the fuck up.

2008-08-10T08:57:00.001-07:00

Im guessing youll read this you fuck.

You were never anything but fucking bad for that girl, even right fucking now. Youre fucking KILLING her. Do her a favour, if you ever gave a shit about her and fuck off.

She wrote that shit because you could never stand to fucking hear it yourself. Be a man and stop fucking whining about it.

False Hope.

2008-08-03T17:12:00.000-07:00

I had a gig tonight and it was real fun. Place was empty at the beginning but filled up reallllll quick. It was packed. Me and the lads all got on for once, which ruled. Despite all this excellent buzz, i watched the door the whole night, for someone to come in. She never did. I kinda knew she wasnt gonna but still. It wouldve made my week/month. I always build myself up for something that will never fucking be. I do it everytime. Girls like her just arent interested in guys like me. Sorry for being cheesy but its true.

I shouldve left tonight feeling great. Instead im back to my old self. Moping.

Fuck it.... Negi.

2008-07-28T13:21:00.001-07:00

You know something isnt going to work when you go for a hug and it isnt returned.

Smitten my ass. This sucks.

Im so out of touch..

2008-07-17T14:20:00.001-07:00

My fingers are crossed.

Im listening to All or Nothing loads lately. Everyone get into them.

Its been quite a while since I blogged. Since I last blogged, ive seen said girl in below post quite a bit. She has a boyfriend, as usual with me, but shes still class.

I was at Oxegen last weekend and it was class. Best dudes and class music. Justice were class, as were Aphex Twin and Holy Fuck. Getting wasted with the lads was great too. B24 was the business. Some people acted like dopes all weekend and fucking wrecked the buzz though. Sort your life out. I didnt wanna come home atall, but when I did I went straight back into work which sucked.

If you have listened to anything ive ever blogged about DBH youll know how much this summer means to alot of people. So many bands coming over, so many people putting their necks on the line for people to enjoy those bands. Please show a little support. Id show so much more if I had the money. Demented Fest is this weekend. Every good local band are playing, plus its Another Day In Hells last ever show. I fucking love that band so much, ill miss them something fierce. Please try make it to Dorans in Temple Bar on Saturday and Sunday to get an idea of what is going down right on our doorstep.

What the fuck is my problem?
Im running out of promises i made and had to break
and everything falls apart
and im losing fight after fight
and frustration overcomes
and the saddest songs
will sing themselves to sleep.

My best friend goes away for two weeks on Saturday. I get to see her tomorrow night, which should be fun, but I havent seen for ages and I hope shes okay. Im going to miss her a ridiculous amount. Fuck anybody who tells me she drags me down. Its a fucking lie. Shes one of the few people in the world who genuinely make me feel alive.

Please dont settle for second best, with that fucking douche bag. I know im not exactly prime rib shit here, but hes a douche. Im not claiming to be any better for you than he is but please, anyone but him.

Come to Demented Fest and mosh hard.

X

Screamed sorry to myself too many times.

2008-07-06T16:15:00.000-07:00

Im a bit smitten. Strange feeling. I find it very hard to trust people, and I dont ever get my hopes up but once in a while theres that person who makes you sit up and kinda take a decent look at yourself and all your insecurities. Its refreshing.

We know we are not alone...

2008-07-02T16:28:00.000-07:00

We find home at every show.

Those are lyrics from a band called Coming Home who need to sort their shit out.

Sup? Shit hasnt been great lately. Ive found alot of comfort in my Real Talk! demo and ive been listening to so much Adebisi Shank. Amazing stuff. Im listening to Have Hearts latest offering lots too. I have to say its amazing. The vocals sound so good, and the musicianship is class. I havent been to a show since Comeback Kid which is a shame. I missed Greystones on Saturday because my buses didnt show up.

Summer has gotten off to a slow start. Some great nights out but the weeks have dragged. Went flyering with Alex last week which was class. Hes a real nice dude and we had a good buzz. I thought itd be really awkward not knowing him but we had the buzz all day. Top dude. He has a couple shows this summer. An acoustic gig which should be amazing, but the one im looking forward to is All or Nothing and Chaos Days at the skate park in Greystones. 22nd of July. Fuckkk yeaaaah.

Oxegen is next weekend. Myself and the lads are going. Rage, Aphex Twin, Delos, Justice.
I fucking cant wait. The week after i have Demented Fest, weekend after that my sisters wedding. I can chill the rest of the summer. Fuck yeah. Someone gimme stuff to do.

I havent seen Sas in forever. This makes me sad. I always thought this summer would be the one where we kinda got close. To my dismay, I thought wrong. Ah well.

This is complete drivel lads. Sorry.

Left with images of you pouring from my eyes:
You young, you here, day dawning, eyes wide.

Just images, just images
All that's left
All that I can find.

Like water
From a cactus
In the desert of my mind.

o' brother, you leave me like blood from my veins.
o' brother, you leave me like blood from my veins.

In a room that holds you
Like a guilt-ridden paralyzing cell:

No calls
No mail
No visitors for when you're in hell.

Forced hellos
Rushed goodbyes
And best wishes for you in the meantime

My face seen as often as God's
Can let guilt have it's way of owning you
Like a dog.

May to March
March to May
The days fall with the promises I make.

Like water
From a faucet
Into the sink of your faith.

o' brother, you leave me like blood from my veins.
o' brother, you leave me like blood from my veins.

We always seem to fall with only words to hold
We always seem to fall with only photos to hold
We always seem to fall with only memories to hold
We always seem to fall without family to hold.

So... I fucked up my future.

2008-06-29T12:59:00.000-07:00

Yeah. Im pretty sure I failed two subjects in the LC. This means, that im fucked, basically. No way ill get any offers of courses, nevermind my first choice.

Im torturing myself over it, and cant enjoy summer because of it. To say im freaking out would be an understatement.

Fuck.

It looks like I wont be around.

2008-06-13T14:43:00.000-07:00

But you wont know.

Im starting to wonder how much some people would care if they never spoke to me again. Some people say all these wonderful words. But thats all it is to me, isnt it? Its always words. Never actions. Thats my problem I guess.

Andrew told me to post some angsty motherfucking lyrics hahaha.
Birra Seventy Times Seven?

Andrew, by the way, is the best dude ever. Its a tad scary how much we have in common. Pity about the distance, im pretty sure wed be real good mates only for it.

Anyway yeah. No, im not mad at you. I could be but im not. Id rather not ruin whatever good mood I thought you were in. I know you think your summer is going shit but, you have so much going for you at the minute. You even have the guy you clearly want most back in your life. Congrats I guess. I now come in a valiant 5th place. HUZZAH. I was distant that day because I really didnt want to dampen your mood. Yeah, sure I wanted a hug or whatever, but it means way more to me seeing you happy. Its weird that for you to be happy, ultimately, ill have to be quite unhappy. Its worth it. For someone to succeed in getting what they want in life, someone must fail.

I went to SYB a couple weeks ago and it was great. Much props to Iano, Zach, Chris, Robb, SYB and Joe Warner for having the buzz in Stephens Green with me. Was a class day. Gig itself was savage. Real Talk! killed it, as did FD. FF new tracks are so fucking good. In Zachs words, "awhhh fuck yeah" hahaha. Im going to Comeback Kid next Monday. Im so fucking stoked. Theyre one of my favourite bands, and to see them in somewhere like Dorans with so many good dudes will rule.

People need to start acting like dopes. Going out of your way just to "ruin someones rep". Cop the fuck on. I dont have a rep. If I did, itd be a bad one, in fairness.

Im listening to Brand New at the minute. I should probably stop. Jesse Lacey does strange things to my head.

You burnt bright but you run out
Let's sleep at the incline
I can't shake this tiny feeling
I'll never say anything right

Ive no idea anymore.

2008-05-29T14:21:00.000-07:00

I had a huge post written out.

This says it as well as I could though.

Graduation.

2008-05-23T15:09:00.000-07:00

So last night I graduated. The ceremony itself was nothing special. Everyone got dressed up and such,and it was nice to see everyone. Rebekah's speech was good, well done. Me and Gareth had to leg it afterwards unfortunately, we were gigging in the castle at ten. It was fucking jammers by the time we got there. Teachers and all out. My amp fucking blew half way through the set, so ill be needing a new one. But yeah,the gig was class. Floor was filled the whole night. Mr McGowan played drums for a song and Tony FUCKING Corcoran went crowdsurfing. So anyway yeah, we gigged,we danced. We then headed to Luna. Myself and the Colm fella headed in and I paid for him cos he always gives me lifts places. He waltzes up to the bar when we get in and starts filling me with Jagermeister the fuck haha.

I had a great night,im not going to lie. One of the best nights ive ever had. It was tinged with angst though. Ill miss everyone. Bar the Debs, its the last time everyone will be together. I told everyone they better fucking keep in touch or they're dead.

Shit went down after Luna hahaha. Fight Night 08. It was all fucking ridiculous, but i had a good laugh looking on. To the dope that hit my mate, youre fucking dead, you sap.

Its Stephs bday tomorrow.
Gwan Steph. Just thought id say how deadly she is in this paragraph. Cheers for always listening to me rant and rave about the most intricate details of my relationships with people. Thanks for never losing patience with me. Hope you get everything you deserve outta life. Yeow. Have a good birfday.

Im off to listen to Set Your Goals. Best band. " Its a revelation, a moment of clarity...."

DONE.

2008-05-21T13:38:00.000-07:00

Its been ages.

This week has been a pretty big week for me. I graduated,which I expected to be an amazing feeling. However,it wasnt. As much as i claim the contrary, ill miss the place. I probably wont see people much anymore. They were mere acquaintances but I will still miss their presence. Something as simple as a hello or a high five that can make you smile for a second. Ill miss it. Ill miss some people who were an influence on me too, like my english teacher. Pity I never got to tell her that she was a big influence on me. Despite all my latecomings and shortcomings, she always pushed me to succeed at it, because she knew I could. I have been so lazy this year, people who know me will tell you this, but I dont regret it. I will reap what I sew, and I understand that. Note to anyone going into fifth year, dont doss it. Youll learn more that year than any other.
Ive had plenty great memories in the school. Ive met my best friends. Karl, Gareth, Hippo, Wayne, Danny. I wouldnt change it. I complain and complain but it really is the best time of your life. I did however promise myself one thing at the beginning of Sixth year and it never materialised. Only one person will get this,probably,but i really wish they couldve fulfilled it for me. Cant blame them for not wanting too though, I wouldnt have.
So tomorrow I graduate properly. Last time together as a group. Were gigging in the Castle and all heading to Luna then. Im looking forward to it, the group dont get to hang out enough. Ill have to look at some people all night however, which wont be great.
This summer is going to be amazing, although I have to get through the LC first. My summer however starts on May 31st at what should be the Guns Up! show, but will actually be a Save Your Breath show in Dorans. I cannot fucking wait. Ive been listening to that band nonstop for weeks.

No one ever made me believe like you
That I could do whatever I wanted to do
That I could be whoever I wanted to be
And if you're going down
You're taking me.

Hopefully ill get to hang out with cool doodz more too, like Graham and Andrew. Andrew Kelly is a fucking hero for the record. SIDE TO SIDE. haha. Spent the 26th of April with him at the CW All Ager. My Grandad also passed away that night. It was rough to be honest, im not going to lie. Granda lived with me most of my life, and I was named after him. I miss him like fuck. The house feels so empty. He never once went into hospital. He stayed at home with us the whole time through his sickness and died with his daughters and son. I miss him so much.
I hope ill get to see Sas more this summer too. Shes probably impacted more on my life than anyone this year. I mean that in the best way. I could write another four blogs on her, but shes heard it all before. She knows how I feel.

Im gonna wrap it up. Come to Dorans on the 31st of May. Real Talk! are releasing their demo and First Death are releasing their new EP.

Later.

Carpo.

I miss....

2008-04-12T11:47:00.001-07:00

2006.

I seriously cant describe how much I miss it. I wish it was still how it used to be. Those involved know what im talking about. I dunno if I can use my words well enough to do it justice.

Everything was so easy back then. We had such a huge group of friends, and people even commented wishing they could have a group like ours. We knew the cracks were there though. And we couldnt stop it. People defected, and fast. I made my best friends out of it. We survived fuckloads, so many arguments but we always knew we'd still be there. All of us had rough times but were still together.
We have newbies too, like Wayne haha. "The Boys" will hopefully continue through college, but I know when im older ill look back on 06 and think FUCK. Best summer of my life. We did absolutely fuck all in the best way possible. We sat on that one patch of grass so much that by the end of August it was worn bare, and strewn with Hippo's calippo wrappers that we'd all paid for ha. That summer was drama central, and it made it all the more fun. I wish things were still as simple. Lately the smallest shit is blown out of proportion, when back then it would have been laughed off in HQ. I wish we could have one more day like it. Just one more, to remember it by. We have our nights out but it doesnt feel right when you're not constantly looking over your shoulder clutching a brown paper bag. We bounced off girls like we bounced off the shattered remnants of HQ. Nothing was serious. People put friends first, it still happens but not as much.

I want to see the sunset over me
Catch up with an old friend
See a girl I used to let do cartwheels up and down my heart
Telling secrets under water
Getting Valentine flowers
I'll wait by this mailbox for you or your letter

Going out was a big deal.
So was kissing a girl.
Getting drunk was a huge deal. It was planned weeks in advance.
Days out were spontaneous.
Mates were constant.
College Park was full. Everyday. Of the same people.
You know everyone.
We all got along.
Now its gone.

X

I gave you my heart....

2008-04-06T14:08:00.000-07:00

Its all i had to give form the start.
Now youre slamming doors, in my face, and im irate.

Thanks Iano. Thats my fucking anthem dude.

I havent updated this in nearly a month and Sas was being the best person ever and kindly reminding me to update my blog, so i thought i better do it.
Guess ill start with Secret Location haha. It was so good. Every band fucking killed it. Thanks to Mackell for letting me stay too, and to Gav,Fab,Glenn,Foxy and Ciaran for being good dudes. And Gav for the bus fare. Respect.

I had a college interview last week and fucking nailed it, but it leaves me with a really fucking hard choice. Stay close to home and have mates here, the people i love most. Or try get into IADT, and get one of the things I love most every week, and a new life. Decisions, decisions.

TFT played a good bit over the holidays. The gigs were eventful to say the least. We broke up 18 times. I got drunk and shit, and got to see people i hardly ever do which ruled. Cheers to whoever came to see us!

I was in Fundalk on Saturday for the first time in ages. Actually ruled to see Sas again. She confuses me. They all do. Ill settle for laughing at asofterworld with her though. Cos it makes me ridiculously happy. Shes taken on my Brand New fanboyism too, which rules, cos know i can talk about how amazing Jesse is to someone else.

Dood I need a gf. All the lads have someone, Hippo's practically married haha <3 Im chilling at the bar in Luna buying for two and pouring one down the sink ha.

People have finally been telling me the truth about what they think about me lately. Its refreshing yet scary. Apparently im the worlds biggest dickhead but im a decent listener. Gwan me. "Do me a favour baby dont reply, cos I can dish it out, but I cant take it"

Irish oral's are next week! So are music practicals! Im playing a couple Reuben Teskey songs and shtuff. Wish me luck.

Happy blogging

Carpo

Forget everything you think you know about me

2008-03-14T15:07:00.000-07:00

Living for that gig at the minute. Im ridiculously excited for it. Real Talk! are going to be amazing. As as Find A Way and everyone else.

Brand New trip lately. Good times.

People. Bad times.

Its been ages since i updated this, ive been neglecting my online duties. Damn. Well, since my last post i sat my LC Mocks. Bit of a disaster but oh well, i did zero study. Hoping for 365 points in the LC. Dun Laoghaire here i come.

Things are going to be differant when i get out of here. I wont have to listen to anyone i dont want to. I dont have to see people i cant stand the sight of. I wont have to walk around these same streets waiting for something to happen. Maybe distance will be a healer too. I can start to forget about people who've clearly forgotten about me. Maybe they never cared at all. For someone who changed their life, itd be nice to be acknowledged as actually existing every once in a while. Ever get that feeling that, if you hated someone, itd be so much easier? Well, ive tried so hard to do that, listened to people tell me all the reasons i should, and STILL i dont. Some people need to cop on. I felt so cast aside by some lately. People ive always been there for, and never asked for anything in return, except maybe someone to talk to when i needed them. Youre my friend when it suits you. And you know it. I mighnt be the cool guy who'll get you looks of appreciation walking through the hordes of clones, but i will... No.. Wouldve stood by you.

Real Talk! are the best fucking thing ever. Loving Mac's stage presence. Gonna be such an awesome frontman. 21 is insanely good. The lyrics are fucking awesome and Dave's drums are class. Play faster shorter sets! Ralphy took a vid of their first set and its up on their myspace page http://myspace.com/realtalkhc

From The Heart Fest is on this weekend too. I wouldve loved to go but shit got too expensive. Hope the lads have a class time over there.

This weekend promises to be fun. Hopefully it will also be dope free.

Im gonna go watch this weeks Raw. Peace.

X

WE GOTTA MAKE IT OUT.

2008-02-07T14:32:00.000-08:00

WE GOTTA MAKE IT OUTTA THIS TOWN.

Saturday is going to be so amazing. SYB are probably my favourite band from the UK atm. Find A Way. Fuck. Im going to sing till my vocal chords snap. Ive been looking forward to it for ages. Day is gonna be hectic though. Get up at 7 for work,till 11. get bus to dublin,should be in for 12 or so. Chill into town for maybe an hour,then catch my dart to Greystones,find the venue,then find a way.
Saturday night i have a gig with my band up here,should be awesome,mocks are over and such.

Fuck am I glad the mocks are done. Physics was a joke,as was Irish and Tech Drawing. Now ive ten days off though,to "study". Im gonna stall up to some gigs if theres any on,woo.

NFG ruled so fucking hard. Thanks to anyone i said hi to up there,and to anyone i didnt,sorry im a dickhead. I scared the shite outta Glenn i think haha,just grabbed him and shook his hand LOL. Fun.

Yo Sas,get better soon and stuff,and save me some ylang ylang tea,im thirsty. Options hot chocolate has kept me sane these days,and ma boys. Thanks doOdz. 2008 is ruling so fucking hard.

X

Um. ?

2008-01-14T12:54:00.000-08:00

Just a dash,a half,a conceited single to steady myself. My heart is turning itself inside out with the anticipation.
Hood up. Upstairs. Half a bottle. Gone. Frozen to my seat. Talk to your friend. Yeah,go on do it. Which one is it?
The one with her hood up.
Im leaving guys. Oh fine,ditch us again. For someone you dont know. Foot on the ground. Its cold.
Hey look,its him. Hug? Hug. Brief embrace,no more than a caress.
A crutch? A crutch. I need another drink. I cant even speak for lack of sleep. Awestruck by beauty. A drink,i need a drink.
An attack. Attack, my senses with feeling. Even my warmth cant dry the tears you're bleeding. Your breath. My breath.
Intertwined as one. I only wish our breaths could be interwined as one. A friend. A friend. Thats all ill ever be.
I cant even explain what this is doing to me. Im happy for you. You're finding yourself. But ill still be here.
A vintage bottle. On your shelf.

Lets Moshercise!

2008-01-12T12:07:00.000-08:00

Best song.

Good day today. Went fundalk with Sas,Larry,Steph,Twigs,Kira,Shan and Hoeyzer. Fecking deadly day. KFC to start off like. I ate fuck all of mine. Saw I Am Legend. Id reccomend it,Will Smith is so awesome. All i could hear was "smoochhhh" the whole way through it though. AHEM. Haha. This is a really short account. Cos i have no idea what to write. Promise ill post a proper one tomorrow.

Too afraid to sing my songs under my own name..

2008-01-02T14:19:00.000-08:00

Gwan Teskey.

Best song.

2007

2007-12-31T05:21:00.000-08:00

Was a...... Strange year. Alot happenned. I lost some friends i thought i never would. I fought with people i could never imagine doing anything to me that would warrent a fight. I made amazing new friends. I hurt. I laughed a fuck load. I sang a fuck load more.I hung out with friends more than ever. I went to school...sometimes. I lived.

To the new people in my life. Sas,Ali,Holl,Saoirse,Dean,Donal,Luke,Kev,Laura,OOM heads. Thanks for being there for me,no questions asked,when you had absolutely no obligation to do so. Means alot more to me than i could show in words. Ill make it up to you,somehow.
To the guys that were there all along. Danny,Karl,Gareth,Wayne,Hippo,Mark,Starks,Raff,the college park crew. Its been a year,eh? Weve been through alot. Too much,infact. Weve lost people. Weve gained people. Weve gone out way too much,weve drank far too much(KARL COUGH HIPPO COUGH:P) weve sang along at shows,weve made music. LARK. Weve chilled at eachothers houses. Weve listened to daft punk at 1000 decibels. Theyve smoked. I havent. Karls quitting. Bullshit. We started sixth year,we'll hopefully finish. Danny didnt,hes only a young fella. Karl started a studio. Hippo moved house. TWICE. Gareth had a house built onto his house. So did Karl. Wayne broke his bass. Mark got a job,in MY SHOP. Starkie got sick. Raff got laid... OOOOH. I... Well, Im not sure. I saw my favourite band of all time at Tripod. Brand New. My buds came too. Gareth,Karl,Starks and STEO SKITZ. It was a great day. Chillin in the queue with randomers. Scary they were. I made amazing new friends, Sas and Saoirse come to mind to me the most. They are two of the coolest people on the planet. They rule hard. Theres been couples too! Not many lasted ha. Kate and Hippo did,and im genuinely happy for those two dudes. Two of the nicest people in the world,who make eachother happy. Go team. Lorrainne and Dean? Broke up lots? Love eachother? Hell yeah.
I found DBH. AMAZING. First Death. Find a Way. Barntown. Forging Friendships. BTH. CSF. Reuben Teskey. Chewie. Ciaran Parnell. Inflatable Gods. Fucking hell. I was always a music fan,but i never knew that all this was brewing only a 40 minute bus trip away. To any person who wrote a song that got me through a day. Thanks. To Alan,Reuben,Iano,Nelly,Mack,Dave,Gav,Glenn,Ciaran,or anyone else i talked to,thanks for talking,its nice. I swear ill repay everyone somehow. I guess i ended the year in style. Tied up some loose ends,settled some scores. Tonight im going to celebrate. FUCK ive been down this year,but i wouldnt change a single thing that happened.

Doodz.

2007-12-28T17:23:00.000-08:00

Started talking to two really good dudes today. First one was Dave. He seems like a great dude. Hooked me up with some FAW,i appreesh that muchly. Secondly was Nelly. I barely know the guy,and i already think hes an amazing dude. Hopefully when he gets back from Canada ill be somewhere in Dub and we can hang. Twould be cool.

Today was boring. Was supposed to have practice,but G bailed,so i went to Dundalk with my main man Danny. We bought bitching hats,and ate amazing Fully Loaded meals from KFC. Backed hard.
Last night i had a rough time.... I tried sorting things out late last night,but my mind doesnt work so well so late,so i gave up. Planned on trying again today but things didnt work out. I know you're lurking this page hard so. Talk to me,yeah?
The Find A Way recordings are sick. Loving Zach's vocals,its great to hear the Dub accent shining through in Community. PLEASE use the words "Curry Sauce" or "Batter Burger" in a song. Gwan. The instrumentation is class,and the lyrics are awesome. Learned already. Cant wait to see them live.
I cant wait to be in Dublin for college either. So many things i wanna do. I wanna get into a band so badly. So many dudes i wanna hang with. So much of my life i want to live. I dont actually care what course i do in college anymore,as long as it gets me out of this fucking town.
Im in work tomorrow,i should really be asleep,its 1:30am,and im wide awake. My sleeping patterns are all over the place. FUCKING Christmas.
Peace out blog.
X

If you're planning revenge

2007-12-27T13:57:00.000-08:00

You better dig two fucking graves.

I seem to only post here when im ranting,but oh well. Last Friday night,a twine unravelled,i didnt learn about it until today,until somebody with a conscience told me of the nights events. One question id like answered from it is... Why? Why bother with it? Why construct all this hyper real dialogue between me and you? Just to watch me fall,and fall hard.... Because thats what happened.
All that shit you said,right up until the argument we had yesterday,all false? I meant FUCK ALL to you. Admit it. You said it would be easier if i hated you? Well,i guess you got your wish...Doll.

Christmas

2007-12-20T12:55:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is my last day in school for a whole two weeks. FUCK YEAH. Back January 7th, and my mocks start on the 29th. Balls to that. NFG and Alan K's Sweet 16 are on during them,but im still going to both. Ima try get to Black Friday too,trying to sort myself out with an ID.
I have to work Christmas Day. Yeah. But im off every other major day,and day after on Christmas. Looking forward to this weekend aswell,hitting Ardee for cokes with the OOM dude's and dudette's, it's been way too long. Hopefully ill get to see some of the Nimmo family too lol. Smyths New Years Eve Chris, yeah?
I never meant for this blog to be a place where i just ranted,but it has kind of turned into that lately,sorry,ill try make the posts more constructive. Some blogs ive been reading lately have been class. Nialler9's is stellar for new music. Zach and Iano's are class for lyrics. Gav's and Mackle's bring the gaming info,s'all good. Glenn talks about NFG. UR MOSHIN.
Me and Karl are starting going to the gym after christmas. JJB Dundalk yo. I really need to lose the pounds,wanna look decent for my Debs. Its on in the Park Inn Fundalk. Im not happy,tbh,it's only up the road. But we have a good band and some DJ's,and good food. Um. Food. Im fucking starving. I won a chocolate hamper in a raffle yesterday,gonna go raid it. If you read this far,thanks,it kind of went nowhere.

Carpo x

So much for my good mood

2007-12-17T12:09:00.000-08:00

You used to care.
We used to be fucking friends.

Only guys you dont care bout,huh? Dont bullshit me anymore,it'd be nice to hear the truth now. How many other things youve told me have been lies? Lately it seems everything is going wrong for me,but the last few days had been fine. I talked to you Saturday night, and you know what you said. LITTLE did i know,that earlier that day youd been proving exactly that wrong. I trusted you with everything. Comforted you. And hence, believed every empty fucking word you said. It was an elabarote story, and i believed it. Probably wouldnt have from anyone else, but i did from you. Turns out,your best friend HAS a conscience, and decided it was unfair on me to let you do this, so she came clean on your behalf.

YOURE FUCKING PATHETIC.

Got home safely. Indeed.

2007-12-14T16:15:00.001-08:00


	I was going to write a poem about you, But then I realized that I'm far too literal To properly spill the imagery to the extent of which your indecision is painting me. But you strike me as the sort thats easily impressed by a few well-worded clichés and a natural disregard for structure. I'm having trouble thinking of an ending. So I'll just let it die on a sulking, lonely line.

RANT

2007-12-13T14:32:00.000-08:00

If you didnt want to ask me, have the balls to say it. Lately im finding out who mates are,and aren't. It hurts like fuck,but i guess id rather find out. So,a shindig is held,and lots of alcohol will be consumed,and you dont want someone ruining your night by being fucking sensible? or being honest? The last time this happened, I slept outside in the freezing cold like. I didn't "Get home safely at 3am". Instead of spinning me some bullshit,blaming other people,i wouldve been cool with it had you been honest. I didnt even know it was happening till someone told me accidentally. Bit of decency would've been nice.
As for..the other person... I know she has it in for me,but you're my best friend,so its all good. I understand why you couldn't cross her,cos i know how much you care. I was there through the extremely tedious,hyper real dialougue. Im sure ill hitch a lift somehow ha.
Im in work christmas eve,st Stephens day,and New years eve. Thats pretty shit,but ill need the money over christmas,im broke as it is. Bought my NFG ticket today,i gotta learn the words to some songs now,cos im a poser. Glenn's right yo. Cant make up my mind what to do this weekend,town with my sister on Sat maybe, chill sunday.
Ive been freaking out about like... my future... lately. I dont even like mentioning it. What if i fuck up the leaving? Dont get into college? Dont get what i want from life. I should be studying,but i miss more school than ever. Im a dosser,in the worst sense. I cant even do ordinary level irish,even though i blame Ms. Byrne for that.

Im gonna head to bed now.

"Everything,everything,everything,everything is,going to be ok"

Carpo x

Posting from school

2007-12-12T06:19:00.000-08:00

Reccomending lolcat to my sub teacher. Word.
Yesterday was a decent day,hung around town with karl,hippo,clinto and the lads. Came up with the sickest game ever. Danger biscuit. Im not going to get into details, but ew. I also found out that my mocks dont start till the 29th of January, WHICH MEANS, I can go to New Found Glory and mosh hard. Supposedly Nine ix Lives ar supporting too,amazing band,so double the fun. Looking forward to the weekend, house party saturday night in Liams. Hopefully he doesnt get ridiculously drunk and molest me again ha. Class is over,ill post later doOdz.

Yesterday

2007-12-11T07:05:00.000-08:00

Was a god awful day. I mean, I try being nice to people, and i try talking things out without resorting to violence, but sometimes enough is enough. Enough bullshit has been talked about me over the last few days, and im sick of it. If it was you, you'd want to know who was saying it, so why can't you understand why I want to know? Im not upset for a change. Im more angry. But,i dont like it, I dont want to turn into that, the one thing ive strived against becoming. Help.

TAKE THIS TO MEMORY

2007-12-10T07:40:00.000-08:00

YOU'LL NEVER KNOW HOW IT FEELS.

Find A Way. FUCK. I haven't even seen them yet, just one video, and im hooked. Zach looks like a damn good fucking frontman. Had a lazy day off school today, couldn't find my bag this morning. You really wouldn't think i was "studying" for my Leaving Cert. Spent the day trawling forums, and trying to think of something witty to write here. I failed miserably.
Went christmas shopping yesterday, got most of my presents, and picked up Family Guy season 6 for myself. Usually shows grow stale over time, but i still fucking love this.
New Found Glory are playing, wahey. Its the night before my mocks start.. Not so wahey. Ill find a way to go though, love the band, even though i hate their new video. Hopefully the bring All Time Low or Paramore with them.

I just cant seem to comprehend
The speed at which you're willing to bend
Your back to comply with what they need
And continue your fall at such speed
Allow yourself a second
To think about yourself
Not what you SHOULD do
Not anybody else.
I used to try,to truly attempt to
Decide upon who i could trust
These days I just try,to survive
I try to break away,to keep myself alive
From these chaotic bonds we break
And the careless decisions I make
Have i lost out?
Am i as bad as,what I said I'd never become?
I need to start over
Ill form a plan,and then
Ill raze it to the ground
And form something again.

Fell in love with a girl...

2007-12-10T05:27:00.000-08:00

Fell in love once,and almost completely. I didn't know it was possible for someone to make me feel so happy,its a good feeling for a change. But i know its upto her whether to tear it all away. The weekend was fun,slept over in a mates house,props to the dood. Talked to friends i hadn't talked to in ages,twas mucho's fun all round. Makes me realise how much good there is around me lately, and i know im always complaining about stuff, but to be honest, i wouldnt change how i am now for the world.
Christmas is in.... soon. Im not the biggest fan of christmas, but truth be told, i am a child, and with christmas comes a shiny new laptop from which to post this blog, if i keep it up that is. Which i undoubtedly wont. My life this week has been a soundtrack of the bands to the right of the page. You should check them out, all good dudes, and amazing musicians. Nialler9's blog is also a nice place to go when bored, and in search of new music. Probably the best irish blog going at the minute. Moshspace is also an amazing site. Friendly forum which got me into so many amazing bands,and made me loads of cool new friends. Im mad stoked on D.B.H. right now,and only wish i could be more of a part of it.
Band of the moment it seems,are The Wonder Years. Posi as fuck pop punk from the US. They're playing Dorans in Dublin right now. I should be there, but im not. So im listening instead, and you should too.
I have school tomorrow,i should really be attempting to sleep, oh well. Peace out to all two people reading.

Oh and Karl,release the fucking Lark EP.

First Post

2007-12-10T05:24:00.000-08:00

Yet second attempt. I cant spell definitely. Ive always thought i needed to start one of these. Sometimes my mind finds it hard to keep up with my rantings and ravings,writings,and cravings. Here ill probably put alot of stuff ive been writing lately,but generally,ill be using this to vent,it might save some of my friends the hassle. I thought id throw an essay i wrote a while ago up here,seeing as its the first piece i posted publicly. Rip it to shreds if you wish ha.

My heart ache with the angst of teenage life. “Woe is me, I feel like my life is falling apart around me. I lost my mobile”. This catcall echoes around the corridors I walk on a daily basis. Tangled passions and emotions rage in the teenage hearts of my peers. Their tempestuous feelings blinding their judgment and thought. As for idealism? The only ideals my generation seem to have is their ideal date, guy or girl. Id love to think that amongst my year group, we had poet lauriets, and amazing authors brewing, but I wont hold my breath.
Teenage passions these days include going out, and the stresses of “relationships”. Take the first. Im 17,and so are most of my friends. My name is James Carpenter, and I’m like that all day, everyday. Yet, at the weekend, my friends take on many different persona’s. They are John Mc Sweeney, Gemma Mulroy, Andrew Coghlan, Shane O Shea. They are all 18. They study in DKIT, or DIT, or Trinity College Dublin. Preparation for a night out begins hours in advance. Hair cuts for my mates, tan’s for the girls. At the door of the nightclub, last minute adjustments are made. Skirts pulled up, tops pulled down. Shirts are tucked in, belts are shone. All of this, just for a chance to be somewhere you’re not supposed to be . Once inside, my friends are the first on the dance floor. First at the bar. First to throw their money away. They saunter on up to the bar, with an air of cockiness and defiance, and order an alco pop. Mature. The group knock 4 or 5 back, and we begin to see some “passion”. A girl grabs her best friend’s boyfriend, and they clinch for a second. Enter World War 3. It now takes 3 twenty stone bouncers to wrench apart the teenage glued on fingernails clawing at each other’s newly tanned skin. Both parties declare that they are “OHMYGOD” never talking to each other again. Next morning, all parties involved wake up with sore heads, bruised ego’s and arms, and guilty consciences. The two who were “OHMYGOD” never talking to each other again are drinking skinny latte’s with each other, discussing the nights events. The boy involved is counting his blessings and bragging about how two best friend’s were fighting over him.
From this, “Relationship” problems arise, if that is, you can call anything two teenagers have these days a relationship. Ill admit, I’m a romantic, an idealist. I dive headfirst into things and come out soaking wet, just like so many of my friends. If something doesn’t work, I forget it and move one. I do not, however, sit in my bedroom with a tub of ice cream, a dvd and a warm duvet. I don’t throw belongings at walls. I don’t burn pictures. I don’t leave voicemails to the other person involved to obscene to write here. Our passionate youth is a haze of love and lust, and the two words are confused a lot these days. The word love is so ridiculously overused these days. The word you’re looking for is like! I like hurling. I like movies. I like ice cream. I like a girl. I don’t love any of those things. I love my friends. I love my family. I love music. Those things, I could not live without. Surely if we loved everything we believe we like, our generation would put every suicidal poet, minstrel, bard, author, artist and lyricist out of business! Our children’s children will be studying “He broke my heart by text” on their Leaving Cert course in 70 years time. Their brains will be wracked at the metaphors and similes used by the new Yeats’ and Wordsworths.
We live in a world, and country, struggling to find the brake pedal ( it’s the one in the middle. Sorry, theory test in a week). Instead of slowing down gradually, we are hurtling into a cul de sac at breakneck speed, and when we collide, a lot of people will be hurt. Our economy and market boom will surely bust soon, and im not sure if the Celtic Cubs can steer us through that. The last generation was born with leaders, people had to lead through the chaos. The adversity they faced meant people had to take charge. In my generation, our country does not face that adversity. We are loved, known as a thriving country, full of welcoming, “craic” loving people. But to be honest, where’s the character? Adversity builds character. Character builds leader’s. Leader’s build a country.
So what my peer’s passions set out, what do I feel passion for? The main passions in my life are friend’s, family and music. I love my friends, and would do anything for them. They are the most eclectic diverse group of people I’ve ever met. We all share another of my passions, and that is music. We play, write, watch and listen to music together. Barntown to Burzum, Neutral Milk Hotel to The Residents, Justice to Lark, we all have our preferences. It was once wrote that, “Our friends, they’re not our friend’s, they’re what we live for”, and I think he summed it up beautifully. Its nice to see that, in our transition from the impoverished to the affluent, there is one thing we haven’t lost. Comradery. Lately ive become embroiled in a group of people and musicians, entitled D.B.H. , or Dublin Bay Hardcore. This group of people are some of the nicest i hardly know. The music is about friendship. The scene is about friendship,and it wouldn't exist without it. The comradery i feel at those shows is unbelievable. People i've never met in my life making me feel so welcome,its amazing. I may not be a part of it,but its a huge part of me. Its changed my life,and hopefully,i guess,if it changes just one more mixed up guys head, it'll all have been worth it right? I’ve made the best friend’s imaginable in this silly little town. A group of people banded together by crotchet’s. quavers, pinch harmonics and blast beats to create a beautiful melody. Yes I have poked fun at the fickleness and immaturity of youth, but at the end of the day, if the young don’t believe in each other, who will? Our elders are waiting to see us fail. Lets go out with a fight, and prove them wrong. “Side by Side as equals proud. Raising fists, and singing loud”.